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Monday, May 14, 2007

i have given it alot of thoughts these days..
but its was ytd when i straighten out all my thoughts.
its was sun.
i lost my fone. i was up on the taxi and when i got off, it was like gone...
guess it was fate, tts why i had to use my nokia oldie..
untill i find my samsung charger that is...
i was like totally sick on sun,
i mean fever, and head aching like shit...
i slept like 3,4 times... and i totally lost my appetide
as in i cant even feed myself and my mum was like worried.
i was like stuffing myself.
that night i couldnt sleep.
i went to bed at 9.30+ and i like slept at 12..
it was about 10.30 and i was still awake.
i heard my mum outside, she was like very loud in hokkien
and then, i duno she started crying...
i tot she was on the fone with one of my aunts...
maybe i just wish she was on the fone.
then,i realised she was quarelling with my dad and was like half crying and trying to tok.
i mean she very loud.
luckily my door was locked and i just lied on my bed.
i just lye down and listen...
i amost cried just thinking about it....
i almost cried just lying dere listening to them...
i just wish for it to end....
they quraelling for about an hour, means my mum cried for like an hour..
i waited till it was quiet, and i went out to pee.
i talked to my mum and she din even look at me in the eye..
im very worried and felt very guilty...
i mean all this while after everything tt had happen i stop giving a damn for my family.
i mean it was mother's day.
like how do you feel when your mum cried on mother's day.
not tears of happiness for goodiness sake.
so i tell myside,today you are going to get a card for hmd...
i did, she was like totally happy and she hug me.
she went sniffing,maybe she was crying, tears of hapyness i guess..
maybe your right , its better this
i mean i feel like i have forsaken my family
as if there's nothing more important myself...
then i realised how selfish i have been all this while and im going to a better person each day.

.........sometimes the worse battle is within.......
.........its not always about doing whats right........
..........doing whats you really want to do............
............its about doing whats best and being yourself no matter wad..........




maybe all this while i have asked too much of you.
i just wanted to make you to be happy.
din not meant it to be this way.
i feel so tired now.
i wish every thing would end now.
i wish everything could be ok again.
maybe it would never be.
that ...i will leave it to fate.
i cant take all this by myself
sometimes i wish like it would all end...
im facing too much problems now...
im just glad i have my friends with me by my side
everytime i feel down,they never fail to be by my side.
thats one reason to smile?
:)
maybe its sometihing that i did in my past life lol!
no i m having such a eventful lifetime this time...
haha... well im buddhist after all, its wad we call karma i think...
HMM... :P

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